The Truth About True Love
True Love vs. Counterfeit Love: Unlearning the World’s Design | Impact Church Scottsdale, greater Phoenix area
True Love vs. Counterfeit Love is the distinction between God's design for relationships and the world's version. While counterfeit love is based on lust, instant gratification, and self-seeking desire, True Love is based on the sacrificial nature of God found in 1 John 4:8 1. Counterfeit love treats relationships like a contract that can be canceled when feelings fade, whereas True Love is a permanent covenant that endures through choices, not just emotions.
Why do we need to "unlearn" what we know about love?
Most of us need to unlearn almost everything we know about love because we have learned it from the wrong teachers. Pastor Travis Hearn shares a humorous personal story about golf that perfectly illustrates this spiritual problem.
Pastor Travis once took two golf lessons from Stan Utley, a PGA tour pro and master coach. Years later, Travis tried to teach his son, Josiah, how to play. He taught him the grip, the stance, and the swing. When he sent a video of Josiah’s swing to Stan Utley, the pro replied, "I need you to unlearn and forget everything that your daddy just taught you... Your dad has no idea what he's talking about".
In the same way, we have been "discipled" by a jaded culture—movies, music, and social media algorithms—that preaches desire but never discipline. We have been taught that love is a feeling we fall into, rather than a choice we make. To discover God's design, we must stop listening to the culture and start looking at the Creator.
What does the Bible mean when it says "God is Love"?
The foundation of understanding relationships is found in 1 John 4:8: "Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love".
It is crucial to note that the Bible does not say God has love or God shows love; it says God is love. Love is not a mood God gets into when we behave correctly. It is His very identity and nature.
Because God is the definition of love, any version of love that contradicts His nature is counterfeit.
If it lacks self-control, it is not love.
If it lacks patience, it is not love.
If it uses people for their bodies instead of serving them, it is not love.
Pastor Travis Hearn points out that while the world defines love by what it produces in us (excitement, chemistry), Scripture defines love by what it reflects from God (sacrifice, endurance).
Holiness in Dating vs. Hookup Culture: Which one works?
We live in a world that normalizes "hookup culture," which trains people to pursue pleasure without responsibility and connection without commitment. However, Impact Church Phoenix teaches that true love must be holy before it is happy.
While the world might call holiness "old school" or "dangerous," God’s boundaries are not there to rob you of joy; they are guardrails to keep you alive.
Table: Hookup Culture vs. Holy Culture
Feature,Hookup Culture,Holy Culture
Goal,Pursue pleasure and self-gratification.,Honor God and protect the other person's soul.
View of People,Consumes people as products.,Honors people as image-bearers of God.
Outcome,"Insecurity, confusion, and soul wounds.","Trust, security, and peace without regret."
Sex is never just physical; it is spiritual and covenantal. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6, when we sin sexually, we sin against our own bodies. God calls us to a higher standard not to limit love, but to protect it.
What is the difference between a Covenant Marriage vs. Contract?
Perhaps the biggest lie culture tells us is that marriage is a contract based on feelings. The world says, "I fell out of love," implying that love is an accident or an emotion that evaporated.
Pastor Travis Hearn, who recently celebrated 28 years of marriage to Pastor Natalie Hearn, teaches that biblical marriage is a covenant, not a contract.
A Contract is based on conditions: "I will do my part as long as you do yours." It protects your rights.
A Covenant is based on sacrifice: "I am giving my life for you regardless of what you do." It demands your life.
Feelings are a terrible foundation for faithfulness because they fluctuate. Hormones change, moods shift, and attraction evolves. But covenant remains. As one 60-year-married church member told Pastor Travis, the secret to a long marriage is often just "short-term memory"—choosing to forgive and choosing your spouse again and again.
When Love Needs a New Foundation
Whether you are single, dating, or married, you cannot build healthy relationships on broken definitions of love. If you have learned love from broken people instead of a perfect God, your foundation will eventually crack.
There is good news, though. God is love, and He is in the business of restoration. Even if you carry a history of broken relationships or the pain of divorce, God hates divorce but He loves the divorced. He wants to heal your heart and teach you the resilience of covenant love. When love is rooted in Him, it is built to last. It endures storms, survives the dry seasons, and grows deeper with time. If you are in that place right now and looking for a community walking through these same questions together, Impact Church has two locations serving the greater Phoenix Valley, including North and South Scottsdale, Tempe, Chandler, Gilbert, and Paradise Valley, and you are welcome at either one.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Counterfeit love is self-seeking, based on lust, and treats people like products for instant gratification. True Love, defined by God in 1 Corinthians 13, is patient, kind, selfless, and sacrificial, focusing on giving rather than getting.
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Scripture teaches Holiness in Dating vs. Hookup Culture because sex is a spiritual bond, not just a physical act. Living together ("playing house") creates a consumer mindset without the security of a covenant, often leading to insecurity and "soul wounds" rather than true intimacy.
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A Covenant Marriage is a permanent, binding union where two become "one flesh" with no exit strategy, mirroring Jesus Christ's commitment to the Church. Unlike a contract, which is conditional on behavior/feelings, a covenant is a choice to stay and sacrifice regardless of circumstances.
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